its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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