I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
