a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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