All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
