I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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