any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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