and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
