p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize