I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
