there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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