I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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