how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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