Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
