At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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