it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
