textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
