PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
