I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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