dude i'm inner monologue high
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
