i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
