So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
