one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
