you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
