i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
