i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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