I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
