Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do herpes really smell.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
