You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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