So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
