you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
