I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
