my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
