This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
