I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
it was like eating out sand paper
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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