I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
