Dual....:-)
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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