you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
