yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
