You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
