I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
that may or may not have been my penis.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
