I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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