I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
