Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
