I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
