finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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