She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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