dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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