He disabled his match.com account in front of me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
