It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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