I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar