I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.