now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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