Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
