FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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