All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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