Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
