When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
