im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
