having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
