I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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