God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
