Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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