Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
