Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
