The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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