How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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