so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
