My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
