So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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