Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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