do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How's work?
Spinning.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
3 2 1 whiskey
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
