his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
