That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
