I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
