Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
