you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
