but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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