then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
