I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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