I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found your dick twin last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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