My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
