whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
