whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
