I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
