He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
false alarm. still invincible.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
