I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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