My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
